A few weeks ago the opportunity landed in my lap to see the Pet Shop Boys for FREE at the O2. Excitement coursed through my veins. I had been a fan of the Pet Shop Boys since West End Girls strode to Number One on the Hit Parade back in January 1986, all of 27 years ago (A thought that I will return to shortly). In my humble opinion, this kicked off one of the great runs of singles in British Chart History: Love Comes Quickly, It's a Sin, What Have I Done To Deserve This?, Rent, Heart, Domino Dancing etc etc. Neil Tennant himself referred to this as the bands "Imperial Phase" and he was not wrong. The second half of the 80s was, frankly, a sad time for Pop Music. Even now my therapist's income increases whenever anyone mentions Stock, Aitken and Waterman to me, or Jive Bunny and his Mastermixers or anyone Jacking their Body or Pumping up the Volume. Along with Madonna, Erasure and A-ha, The Pet Shop Boys held the torch for Pop Music that was both memorable and fun during those dark years.
And so my mate Alex and I trooped along to the O2 anticipating an evening of hit after after, a veritable banquet (if you will) of pop classics. And lo, gentle reader, we could not have been more dissapointed if I had opened the door of my house expecting to see Jennifer Lawrence popping round for tea and scones, only to be greeeted by Thom Yorke in a mankini. Rather than carress the ears of the masses with a smorgasbord of hits, Messrs Tennant and Lowe decided to play a set comprising largely of songs off their last two albums and the new record, "Electric". True they did perform a few oldies but , frankly, these were half arsed versions. The evening to coined a phrase "sucked like a Dyson".
Over the next few days I couldn't stop thinking about what I had experienced. Please excuse the Anglo Saxon but why had they been so shit? Were they being willfully perverse? Were they being Ironic? What had happened?
Now I appreciate that at this juncture you may not agree with me but my conclusion was a scary one. I realised that I hadn't actually enjoyed a Pet Shop Boys album since "Very" in 1993 and therefore a voice in my head was saying that the reason why the Pet Shop Boys were rubbish at the O2 is that they are, frankly, past it!
Like I said. I realise that this is a BIG statement and many of you may be looking in the Delia Smith recipe book for fricassed testicles. But it led me onto an even bigger thought. Popular Music is OLD. Rock around the clock is widely regarded as the first major Pop single. It came out in 1955. That's almost 60 years ago. That's pensionable. When I was young (hem hem) even the major 60s acts had only been going 15 years. Now that's closer to 50 years!
This means that there are an awful lot of acts out there, my friends, who have been going for a LONG time and they have to stare down the barrel of a gun and face up to an awful question "Are we past it?". Last year REM looked down that self same barrel. For years they had been releasing albums which the critics greeted with the mantra "Ooh it's a return to the heyday of Automatic for the People! Buy in droves!" Sadly the masses responded with a resounding "Meh!" and each successive album died on its arse. And so (and fair play to them) REM turned round and said "We're retiring" which was as good as saying "We haven't made a decent album since 1992, see ya, don't want to be ya"
Now I've singled out the Pet Shop Boys in all of this but the fact is that as Popular music gets older, many bands and artistes will be faced with the fact that time is marching on and our old friend the muse is in danger of deserting them so what do they do? Clearly the REM route is one way forward but may I suggest that here are some others when you hear the clock ticking
The Bruce Springsteen route: Keep the creative juices flowing and release albums that are genuinely good rather than simply fawned over. Back this up with live shows where you PLAY THE HITS
The Elton John route: A variation on the above. Realise that your early albums were creatively your best and make new albums that sound JUST LIKE THEM. This is tricky as it involves you engaging creative juices otherwise you will be accused of regurgitating past glories (The Neil Young route)
The Rolling Stones Route: Don’t release any more new material. Just PLAY THE HITS live
The Paul McCartney Route: Appear at every major Cultural event and play a FEW HITS. No one cares that you don’t tour regularly or release anything as this keeps you in the public eye. This is a dangerous route as there is a thin line between ubiquitous and annoying
The Bon Jovi route: Keep releasing new material but make sure it is essentially the same album over and over again
The Bob Dylan route: Make albums that are critically acclaimed but then put everyone off by becoming the byword for “Shocking live performances" (Tennant and Lowe need to be dragged screaming along to a Dylan concert as they are in danger of going down this road)
The Elvis Costello route: Branch into other musical genres. NOT RECOMMENDED!!
The U2 route: Don’t tell anyone you’re retiring but vanish so effectively you have retired
The Michael Jackson route: Die but sell lots of records posthumously. Lucrative but not recommended for perhaps obvious reasons
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